I worked very hard to maintain my nature blog as my mental health was struggling. This means I have direct quotes of my thought processes while schemas were activated. Here they are:
Just need to figure out how to learn as much as I can without overexerting myself too much. Someone may have an issue with trying to learn everything.
I’m also finding fungi to be an extremely overwhelming topic of study. Almost too overwhelming. I don’t have the time when adventuring to photograph every single ID point. I don’t have the mental energy to learn which ones I should focus on ID’ing. It is an important part of the ecosystem and I can learn a lot from it – but wildlife is where my true passion lies.
Narrowing down my obsessions is hard. I’ve always been the type of person who wants to learn everything. Part of me is going ‘ahh! This is a wasted scientific opportunity!’
However, that is probably the part of my brain that has forgotten how to sleep in.
It does make me wonder if I should have done anything else to help with the database – but that is just my mind going into overdrive.
I can’t get enough of rockpools, but I’m craving less research and discovery with my future adventures. I’m feeling a bit burnt out. I want to hike for the sake of hiking, photograph something because it is beautiful and not because it may be useful to someone.
Birdwatching is no longer the escape from depression like it once was
I’m exhausted. The past few months have been horrid. I’ve been birding as a stress relief but am now struggling to figure out the role birding has in my life. I want to run away and bird but need to tend to stuff like unpacking the house and finding a job. It’s difficult, as I don’t have time to grieve. I know this isn’t about birding but today marks one month since my grandfathers death.
I want to run away but know I have to rebuild my life. This is in the back of my mind everytime I think about birding or adventuring.
Making The Boundaries:
Do I read a couple of books about waterways? I know it would help down the track with uni, as I would specifically want to study that, but I need to stop pushing myself to know everything. Are any other naturalists like this?
I’m now getting to the stage where there may be more blog posts then usual where I say “I don’t know?” more often then not. I’m leaving my comfort zone and looking at different things, and in new areas. I don’t always have the resources to identify things myself and sometimes struggle to get things identified by my peers. Weirdly, seeking ID’s can be time consuming!
For now, I’m happy to just document and then make sense of all the information later. This will be especially important if I do end up going to uni next year.
This entry is mostly about the plants and flowers I saw. I’m not going to try and ID them because I’m already just so overwhelmed with the information I’m trying to learn. A line has to be drawn, as I’m noticing that I’m skipping the basics and going to the more difficult stuff. If I’m going to go to uni next year then I need clear boundaries
After changing meds, I did note that: I’ve changed anxiety meds and I’m so much calmer about the learning process.